wtf Phee I don't wana walk anymore

Gois I plopped down in stweet yestewday and I wuz liek do your worst phee! Hehehe! The Erf shook gois because Dashie 1000 pounds of real muscle! It wuz liek Phee I'm not going anywere especially wif yew to were the othar minion doggies are. Then phee pick Dashie up gois! It's liek wtf phee wen Dashie plop down he stay there until he choose new direction to walk minion phee in but gois phee used same unexplaination powers he did before to lift dashie up its liek phee how yew do that i wont bit yew if yew tell me. Nobody can pick Dashie up becuz he mean and full of muscle even stwongest doggies liek mawgwet and pwetty boy wouldnt be able tooo gois did i also mention that phee might be keeping me fwom my dady? If so dashie gonna cweate plot to bit phees neck during sweep. It's liek phees door opens and phee hear faint clacking of paws on wood floor. Then Phee look over and see Dashie standing ovar him. It's liek hoi dashie yew scared me! I'll get up so yew can sleep here and ill go sleep in cage. Then its liek im sowwy phee but i hav to do dis I mean dashie was finking of doing it long time ago evar since yew first showed signs of not being good minion but keeping me fwom dady final straw for dashie. Phees liek noo dashie im sowwy i wont keep yew fwom dady anymore and its liek too late phee! Gnarrr! Then dashie perform bit on phees neck and juguwar shoot bwood everyware. It's liek Phee I warned yew but yew didnt wisten to dashie! Then phee die on gwoung and dashie run up to dady and dady liek its okay now dashie the minion was in our way but now hes gone and we can just cuddle all day! Hehehehehe! But then again gois phee is dashies vasal and he walk dashie so dashie might not kill phee just yet but if he get between me and dady its gonna happen gois!