Dashie wana lay down gois!

Hoi gois! It's me dashie! hehehehe who else would it be but the carnivorus aminal! Gois meme wuldnt let me in her room last noit and i wuz liek "wtf unaceptible!" Gois its not fare. When I wana go in maphees room when he's sleeping he doesnt let me in ether. its liek wtf maphee yew faget im gona use dashie powers to break down door if yew dont let me in becuz im mean! ohhhh i wish maphee could see dashie schnarl through door gois it would be liek "ok mr dashie ill let yew in and yew can have the hole bed and maphee will sleep on ground liek aminal while yew reign over him." then dashie pull out golden chalis and hit maphee wif it liek "biotch!"

ohhhhhhhhhhhh sometime too dady doesnt let me on bed when hes lieing down its liek pweeeze dady! mmmmmph mmmmph! and dady does let me on. then dashie liek "get in here phee and do wut yew only purpose is in life. then phee walk in and put me up and then im liek dady!!!!!!! dashie run up and start licking dadys face becuz i wuz and he might have toothpaste on mouth. ohhhhhhhhhhh then dashie liek "go away phee. this is my time wif dady!"

gois i also made moma sleep in phees bed becuz dadys mine! ill be on chair wif my dady and ill be cudling then moma walks in and its liek "nooooo! he's mine moma! go get dashie food if yew wana be in presense!" ohhhhhh gois dady luvs me the best its liek "hehehehe dady im betar than evwyone here!" then dady rub my head and its liek "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dady i wuv yew!" and dashie get wuvable face and look up at dady. it's liek "ohhhhhhhhhh its 3 am and dashie still here dady! dont get up until 13 o clock ok dady!"

then dady get up in morning and its liek "wtf dady!" i wondar if i killed phee dady wuldnt get up in morning. thats probably not it though gois becuz phees never here anymore. its liek pheee come back i need a servant! then he comes back and dashie roundhouse kick him in the face wif back paws. I own yew phee!

Carnivorous Dashie

Hehehehehehe! Hoi gois! I'm a mean, carnivorous raptor waiting in bushes to strike at yew at any moment! One moment its liek "la dee da de da its noice day out" then next its like "gnarrrr!" hehehehehe! Dashie jump frum bushes and bite peeple jugular and blood spway evwywhere like sploosh and dashie liek call csi hehehehehe! ohhhh gois I'm just writing this post to advise yew to be careful around Dashie house. It's grai one on stweet that goes down hill i no dat becuz phee takes me up thar evwy night when he's home and its liek "ohhhhh phee let's cwoss street here becuz dashie wana explore new teritory and be tuff. Then I get to othar side of rode and its liek "ohhhh nuffing here phee yew safe!" gois phee is an insignificant little biotch and he's not tuff at all liek dashie so I need to protect him from dogys liek riley and evil black dogys down stweet.

Ohhhhh gois I'm a raptor in disguish. When I'm in window its liek "get out of my teritory gois or I'll brake thwew glass and atack yew wif dashie bites." My teritory is sacrid gois its liek dashie home and peeple shuldnt be walking on it. Peeple liek goi wif pupy should smell were dashie peed and be liek "uh oh a gigantic raptor peed here, we should go any further." Dashie is bird of pwey in window and he can jump thwew window and swoop down on unsuspecting slaves that go out to get mail liek moma. Get on chair moma or get leg humped! hehehehehe!

There yew go gois. You shuldnt pwovoke raptor in window or itll be liek "ahhhhhh!" wile im on top of yew and chewing yew up. dashie is all seeing eye of wurld and he can morph to difrent places liek ur in bathwoom brushing ur teef and you look in miror and dashie is standing behind you. "ahhhhhh!" "gnarrrr!" "num num num flesh." Then ill throw yew body up on lawn and be liek ohhhhh i shuldnt have eeten dat humen, but i did! hehehehehehe!

Dashie Escape Gois!

Hoi gois! Dashie escape! hehehehe! Furst dashie waiting for dady to come home its liek wtf dady were are yew. then dashie hear garage door openang and its liek "ohhhh gois dady!" me get hapy face and run downstairs liek here i come dady. then i see door opening and im redy to pownse liek hi dady its me dashie. ohhhhhh dady i wuv yew! then i see dady holding schtuff and door open gois dashie liek yahoo! and run to door before dady who equivelent to dashie in dominant status can grab colar.

dashie zoom liek litning gois its something me learn in othar houses before i come to dady house. dashie run out door wif face liek "hehehehehehe!" Tongue wuz hanging out gois and dashie bolt for outside. ohhhh but it was dark out and I wuz liek "ohhhh i hope theres no coyotes out here. just kiding hehehehe! dashie could rip coyote apart wif one dashie bite!" then i run to furst house gois and its liek wtf all this stuf doing out here. then i wana go and bit it gois then go for dashie swim but me liek nahhhhhh dashie doesnt play around mfers. so me run toward othar house were mawgwet is gois it liek its me dashie im here to sweep yew off feet mawgwet but i still own yew but dashie get distracted by bread on ground gois. dashie liek ohhhh this is guna go bad so i should eat it gois i dont want that on dashie consense.

So dashie start eating bread liek "num num num" and dady walk up. its liek "hoi dady!" I didnt wana play chase dashie anymore gois but i fink dady stil wanted to pway. Then dady caught me and its liek wtf dady i said i wuznt playing anymore! but its ok gois because dashie cudle dady in bed tonoit hehehehehe! all forgiven!

Ohhhhhhh gois Dashie Tuff

Hoi Gois! Dashie mean! I just wana get that fact out thar gois becuz some peeple hav been saying that dashie isnt tuff but its not twoo! hehehehe! tell them dady dashie tufest in universe especialy wen he cudled next to dady becuz then we becom dashie and dady combo. betar watch out becuz dady and dashie will kill yew gois!
ohhhh theres rumor going around that margwet owned me gois. it wuz proly started by riley becuz he nos i own him so hes trying to act liek i dont. hehehehe gess wat riley i still own yew i still bark in window wen yew walk by! ohhhh let me explain insedent gois. first margwet walk over and dashie liek hoi margwet! margwet come up wif big scary face and me liek noooooooo! but then dashie teef come out and dashie liek "no margwet yew dont kontrol dashie kweer!" then dashie end up on back just to make margwet hapy gois. i no she doesnt own me but its liek "ohhhh margwet yew can have this one but dont make it a trend ok dashie need to keep up apeerance or peeple wont be scared wen me bark in window. its liek "me bite! hehehehe! me bite!" then the peeple run away like "ahhhhhhhhhh!!!" and dashie laff.
ohhhh margwet didnt own me gois i sware. yew all a bunch of fagets and ill kill yew if you wepeet dashie wumor. i no were you gois liv and dashie will make visit to yew house. its liek ding dong. "hoos there" "its me dashie! gnarrrr!'